Allergic to Munster
by Naktarra
Summary: This is a sequel to my story, When Taylor Meets Munster. (Not required to have read first.) Herman Munster, husband to Lily Munster has a problem. That problem being that he is convinced that Lily has fallen ill and there is no cure. On the other hand, the Sherrif of the town has a problem of his own. Barney. Deputy-Too-Helpful-For-His-Own-Good-Barney.
1. Table of Contents

Welcome to the table of contents for my newest fanfiction Allergic to Munster! Here I will be posting the chapter names and links to my very own fanfiction and I hope you enjoy it!

**1. Two Catchin' With No One Throwin'**

**2. Probably Just The Flu**

**3. Barney Gone Fishin'**

**4. The Essence of My Fair Munsters**

**5.**

**6. My Own Munster**

**7.**


	2. Two Catching With No One Throwing

Authors Note: Notice I wont take seriously. If you want to see all my fics when they come out, I'd appreciate if you watched me on DA. These will not be posted or updated nearly as often or edited. So if you like what you see, check out Naktarra on Deviantart.

Chapter One

Sheriff Andy Taylor was heading down the street of Mayberry with his hands in his pockets and with a rather content deputy by his side. They had just finished breakfast. Andy who felt coffee and two eggs with bitty piece of toast was enough for a normal human being, was full. However Barney Fife, who felt that three eggs, three pieces of toast, orange juice - or OJ as he called it to be cool, coffee, sausages and bacon was a completely normal meal for the average american man.

It was a wonderful sight for Andy to see. In the time it took him to finish his toast, Barney could be have done his mountain of food. It was like this day, after day, after day. Sometimes it was enough that Andy was thinking of making his friend resign as deputy to be Mayberry's next vacuum cleaner model.

Of course Barney always brightened Aunt Bee's day with how much he ate and how much he appreciated being given the free food.

Though, this meant Andy had to hear the same thing day, after day, after day.

"Yep." Barney smacked his lips and adjusted his belt as he sat down on the old bench outside of the courthouse.

"We Fifes are built like steel. Not a single piece of sausage is going to fat. It all goes to muscle."

Andy nodded and sat next to him, "I believe it does." He leaned back and closed his eyes, not willing to go into the courthouse and work on such a beautiful day.

"Hi Pa!" The adorable red hair boy came up to his father with another boy with him and a football under his arm.

This boy looked a little stranger than the rest of the children in Mayberry. His hair was jet black and came down into a neat widow's peak. He was an odd shade of light blue and his ears were very pointy looking.

"Hi Mr. Taylor." The boy squinted through the terrible sunny weather to watch Opie's father sit up and smile.

"Oh well hi there boys." He smiled and glanced to the football, "You off to play a game?"

"No Pa, we're only catching."

"Ah, I see. I suppose it'll be harder to play with two catchin' and none to be throwin'."

Opie smiled. He was a smart kid no doubt and Andy had a lot of pride in that.

"Oh that's ok, Pa. Eddie said his Pa would throw for us."

"Oh, I see." Andy nodded and looked to Eddie, then back to Opie. "Well then, you two have fun now, and be home before dark."

Opie nodded excitedly, "I will."

They ran off down the street quickly with the football tightly in Opie's grip.

Andy leaned back again, "Yep, they're good boys."

Barney was watching them run off, "It's good to see that Opie doesn't act like like that boy is any different."

"Oh Barney, there's nothing wrong with the Munsters."

"Oh ya? Well, how would you like it if your Pa was a life sized frankenstein?"

"Barney!" Andy sat up and looked at his deputy.

"They're a normal, sweet family. Mrs. Munster even brought us lunch for all the trouble a few days ago."

Barney snorted, "But what are people going to think when frankenstein himself comes and asks for a job in town? You know he'll needs one living in Mayberry now."

"Everyone has the right to ask for a job, Barney. He seems like a kind and honest man, I'm sure he'll do just fine."

Barney nodded, "Oh sure, sure, just keep him away Mrs. Mendelbright. I don't want that poor old woman to be frightened."

Andy got up, patting off the pants as he headed towards the courthouse. Barney got up quickly and followed him in.

"Nice people or not Ange, Mr. Munster might scare someone. Plus folks here hardly know them. They only heard there was a new family here and they've only seen the boy."

Andy let out a 'mn' as he opened the door and he walked into the courthouse.

"I'm sure everything will be fine Barney. They're good folks here and it doesn't matter what they appear to be. Mrs. Munster was even kind enough to offer us to tea later today."

Barney slumped in his chair and looked at Andy glumly, "I like them too, I'm just worried about them. I've seen those monster movies, and what they do to strange folks in little towns."

Andy nodded, "Well, then we'll make sure they feel mighty comfortable here in Mayberry."

The two officers of the law smiled their silent agreement to make the family happy before they went to their everyday routine in the small town of Mayberry, North Carolina.

"Lily? Lily!" There was a loud bang as Herman Munster sat down his toolbox sized lunch kit on the kitchen and grumpily sat in one of the kitchen chairs, which creaked under his weight.

"How was work dear?" She smiled as she pulled out a small sewing pin and stuck it into one of the legs of a crochet spider when it tried to scuttle away before she could finish making the eighth leg.

"Just awful. I was organizing books all day."

Lily looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "What did you expected when you decided to try a job at the library?"

"I thought she'd let me do neat-o things like read comic books."

Lily smiled, "Oh well, I'm afraid not Herman." She leaned forward and kissed her husband on the cheek just as there was an explosion of footsteps down the hall.

"Hey pop, you said you'd play catch with me and Opie." Eddie was there with Opie, who was pink in the face from running.

Opie looked at Mr. Munster, feeling a little frightened as the man of ten feet stood up.

Opie was convinced his Pa was the strongest guy in town, but he was sure wrong about that now the Munsters had moved in.

Herman Munster let out a laugh as Opie passed him the football.

"Let me show you how an expert does it."

He gave another laugh as he readied himself with a football. He kicked it hard enough that the ball seemed to rip down the middle and it went crashing through the ceiling.

Lily gave Herman a stern look as debris fell over the four. He waved his hands in annoyance and looked at the ceiling, "Hm, maybe I'm not as good as I use to be."

He chuckled again, but Herman quickly caught the look from Lily and quickly headed up the stairs to look for the ball.

Lily got up suddenly as her spider had gone free and was scuttling off the table and onto the floor. Opie jumped out of the way as it dashed out of the room. Picking up her little box of pins Lily followed after it before it got too far.

Herman had soon returned with the ball and placed it on the table. What was left of it anyways.

"Maybe one day you'll be as good as me." He laughed but paused to look at Eddie, "But no trying to be better to me before you finish your homework young man." He pointed at Eddie who sighed, "Do I have to pop? School is so far away, they won't miss me."

"Yes Eddie. School is very important. Now go and finish your homework and listen to what I tell you young man."

Eddie nodded, "Ok, sir." He looked to Opie, "I'll see you around Opie. I have to do some smelly long division."

Opie wrinkled his nose like the division might really be smelling up the house as Eddie Munster and Opie Taylor parted ways.

There was no point catching if there was only one catcher with the thrower telling the other catcher to go and do his homework.

That was no fun.


	3. Probably Just The Flu

Chapter Two

Lily Munster was heading into the living room with a plate of her famous ginger snaps.

"Here you are, pussycat. I added extra snap this time." She smiled as she sat next to her husband on the couch as he picked up a cookie which seemed to give off a small growl like it could bite.

And it probably could, if Herman wasn't already munching on it contently.

"Mn." He smiled a rather childish grin, "Lily, these are the best cookies I've ever had."

Lily smiled lovingly to her husband, but then snapped her attention to the plate of cookies, which were very slowly sliding off the table. Instead of clattering to the floor and sending the "best cookies Lily had ever made in Herman's opinion" to the floor, the plate floated along until it stopped and hovered at a large old oak trap door. Slowly the door opened, bright smoke billowing out of the basement as a black leather gloved hand lazily reached up and took a cookie before retreating back into the smoky basement.

Although then something else came up to grab another cookie. A bat. It lifted three cookies straight off the plate, two dangle from it's wings and the other somehow precariously balanced on the little black head, the bat slowly and very clumsily followed the gloved hand back into the dungeon under the trap door. The plate stayed in the air for a moment, before it clattered down on the ground.

"Oh, Grandpa!" Lily got up and walked over to the plate, picking it up as she stomped a foot down on the trap door. "Grandpa, you and Egor could have at least come up here and gotten some fresh air. You've been down there all day!"

She walked back to Herman and put the plate in front of him, "It's ok Hermy, I can make more snaps." She smiled as she fiddling her fingers in her hair, looking lovingly at her husband who took another cookie.

Oh she loved her Hermy. He was the most handsome man in the world with the biggest heart of anyone.

Only because that's the only heart they had available.

From the way he smiled at the cookies and continued eating her home cooking, to the way he chuckled, nothing could changed the moment of love Lily was mesmerized in.

Herman paused and looked at his wife in mid bite. She was looking at him with a rather dreamy way, her hair curled around her fingers and her cheeks turning a bright colour of pink.

Pink.

Pink.

That's not right.

"Lily, Lily! What's happened to you? There's colour rushing into your cheeks!" Herman got up quickly, putting the cookies down, "Grandpa! Marilyn! Come quick!"

Marilyn came rushing into the room, "What's wrong Uncle Herman?"

She looked to Lily, who was patting her cheeks, rather confused. "Oh Aunt Lily, are you sick?"

"No, no. I'm fine, Marilyn." She got up and smiled to her, although this made Herman seem to panic more.

"Lily! You're turning absolutely pink!"

At last Grandpa showed up from under the trap door, smoke bellowing out behind him in larges puffs.

"What's all this fuss abo-" He paused mid sentence to look at Lily, "Lily! Lily! Are you sick?" He rush to her side and gave the poor woman a violent shake.

"Here, I'll take her up to bed Herman." He pulled Lily up the stairs, giving the poor vampiress no say in the matter even as she tried to convince Grandpa she was fine.

"But I feel fine, Grandpa!"

"Nonsense. Last time you said you were fine, you got married."

Marilyn looked to her uncle, who rushed to the kitchen to find a paper bag to breath into to calm himself down. Although as he puffed one breath of air into the bag, it exploded in his face and he waved his hands in a panic.

"Oh, Uncle Herman!" His niece had followed him into the kitchen, "I'm sure Aunt Lily is fine."

Grandpa had entered the room quickly, "Herman, will you calm down! It's probably just the flu!"

Herman stopped his panicking to look at Grandpa, "Just the flu? My dear Lily has the flu? This is-this is terrible!" He waved his hands in his distress, looking from his niece of his father-in-law as some desperate plea to make everything better magically.

"Marilyn, I'm going to the dungeon to fix something up for Lily. Can you make sure Herman doesn't destroy the house? Last time you had a headache he nearly destroyed the living room alone."

Before Grandpa could even leave the room, there was a loud bang.

"Uncle Herman!"

Marilyn had a terrible time for the next little while, hearing her uncle's worried and echoed voice as she tried to pull his head from out of the wall.

"Who's going to tuck me in and who am I going to kiss good morning and who will make my meals?"

"I'm sure Aunt Lily will be fine."

The boards in the wall creaked as Herman pulled his head from the wall, "I hope so. I don't know what in the world I would do without her."

His niece smiled, "You're all heart Uncle Herman." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left the room, giving Herman a wonderful idea.

If Lily wasn't feeling well, this was the perfect time to tell her how much he appreciated her by returning the favour of everything she did for him.


	4. Barney Gone Fishin'

Chapter Three

"Sheriff, I need to speak to you."

A police officer with a badge bearing he was from the city of Mount Airy entered the Mayberry courthouse.

Andy looked up for the card game he had been playing with Barney.

"Oh, howdy officer." He stood up and shook the man's hand, although Barney was still into his game.

"Go fish." He muttered as he drew another card, intently staring at his hand and not aware that Andy had left the game.

"I came to inform you that there have been a few bank robberies out in Mount Airy within the past week. We haven't even gotten one good look at the crooks. They even stole the little pens they keep chained to the desk."

Andy let out a chuckle, "Did they now? Well, I'm sure we'll keep an eye out for them."

Barney, sounding a bit more annoyed said, "Come on Andy, I said go fish."

Andy looked to his deputy then back to the officer, who continued, "You know you might want to have a stake out around your bank, or at least strengthen your security.

"Well, I don't know if we'll want to go that far. But we'll keep a mighty fine look out for them."

"Ange, are you going to go fishin' or aren't ya?" He slammed his fist on the table, but quickly pulled it away and waved it in the air in pain as he looked up at the officer.

Now completely embarrassed, he got up.

"State your business!" He picked up his hat from the desk and put it on, but not to his knowledge, it was backwards.

The officer looked to Barney, then at Andy, "You're sure going to need all the help you can get, Sheriff."

The officer headed out of the courthouse, leaving Andy alone with Barney once again.

"Why was he here?" Barney was stacking up his playing deck in a rather annoyed way, Andy had ruined a game he might have finally won.

"There have been some robberies in Mount Airy. Bank robberies. That officer there was telling us to secure our bank in case of them coming down here to Mayberry."

"A robber in Mayberry? That's absurd! " Barney went for his gun and checked to make sure it was all in working order.

"I'll be at the bank if you need me." He stepped forward, but was caught by Andy around the collar.

"Oh no you don't, Barney. There doesn't have to be a robbery. Maybe nothing'll happen and they'll catch the crooks by tomorrow. For now we can just tell the bank and make sure Asa is alert."

"Asa? Really Andy?" Barney slumped down in his chair, "He has nothing but an ancient old gun and moldy bullets, plus he's asleep half the time."

"Then I'm sure you'll be willing to lend him your nice shiny bullet for this one time." Andy smiled, but Barney only looked annoyed as he pulled his hat to face the front, giving Andy 'the look'.

The look so well known by Andy, that was given for every joke he pulled at Barney, that Andy could only smile at Barney and pat his shoulder before heading back to his seat.

Barney patted as his shirt pocket for a moment, the wildly patted it again and got up. He pulled out his gun and checked the barrel, then started walking around the room, looking under stacks of paper and in drawers.

Barney turned to Andy and shouted, "Alright! Where is it?"

"Where's what?" Andy gave his cheeky yet rather charming grin.

"Where's my bullet!"

"Now don't tell me you've lost your bullet when there are bank robbers just a-swarmin' Mayberry, Barn." Andy got up and began aiding the search but looking under the least helpful objects for the search like a lamp, Barney's deck of card and his very own gavel.

Barney watched him, "You have it and I know it!"

Andy looked up from the book he was thoroughly searching under, looking rather hurt, " I don't have your bullet Barney."

"Andy! Give it to me! someone could get hurt if that bullet's lying around!"

"Oh come on, you can't get hurt by a bullet that has no gun to be with." Andy smiled and sat down again, picking up his gavel and watching his deputy frantically look around.

He practically sprinted to the door, "I'm going to ask Emett if he's seen it."

The door was slammed loudly, then a rather loud yell of "ow!" heard from outside. The door opened slowly, with Barney waving his hand that had just been slammed into the door, took one look at Andy, who he still suspected to be hiding his precious bullet and slammed the door again.

Soon after Barney left, Andy headed to the blinds to make sure he wasn't coming back anytime soon. Andy opened the nearby drawer in his desk and pulled out the shiniest bullet you ever did see as he sat down again. Barney Fife's bullet to be exact.

He didn't steal it from Barney. He just happened to already know about the robbery threat he heard over the radio in the morning. So he thought for the safety of the robbers, he might as well make sure Barney wasn't loaded with even one shot that he was more likely to shoot his foot off with.

He wasn't aware Barney would notice so soon. He thought that maybe he could go an hour without doing his regular bullet checks. But alas, no and the only thing Andy could do si give it back before Barney ripped apart the town looking for it.

"Hiya Andy." Gomer Pyle had walked into the courthouse, wiping his hands off on a oil covered cloth.

Andy looked up from the bullet and to Gomer, "Hey Gomer."

"Can I ask you a question Andy?" He shoved the dirty rag back into his pocket.

"You may." Andy nodded rolling the bullet in his hands as he looked at Gomer.

"Does Barney wear contacts?"

"I don't believe so, why?" Andy held in his grin as Gomer said, sounding rather worried for the deputy, "Well he's been walking all over, and lookin' at everythin' there is to see. I asked him what's wrong and he told me he was lookin' for somethin'."

"Well what was he lookin' for?" Andy tossed the bullet in the air and caught it.

"Just lookin' he said. I thought maybe he lost a contact. There's no fun lookin' if you can't see nutin'."

"Oh well then I'm afraid I don't know what Barney was lookin' for." Andy got up, "Although tell you what, you go straight back to Barney and give him this." He put the bullet in Gomer's hand.

"A bullet Andy? I don't want to hurt anyone."

"No, no. It's fine. There's no gun with it. Just go to Barney and give it straight to him." Andy's cheeky grin was coming back as Gomer accepted and walked out of the courthouse, a little confused at that.

Now it was only time to sit and wait in his chair.

The courthouse door burst open, Barney dangerously brandishing one whole shiny bullet in his hand.

"I don't want to talk to you!" He shouted at Andy as he marched by.

"Well then, if you don't want to talk to me, why in the world would you talk to me?" Andy smiled, looking up at his deputy with the court mallet in his hand.

"I'm talking to you so you won't talk to me!" Barney slammed the back room door loudly.

There was a loud yelp and the door slowly opened again as Barney pulled his fingers from the door and slammed it again.

"You ok, Barn?" Andy called from his desk.

Barney's voice yelling from the other room called, "I said I'm not talking to you!"

And that was Andy's answer.

But it was worth it.


End file.
